Embrace ourselves

[Kerri]

Well the title says it all.....but as women do we really know how too? How do you go about embracing yourself? This has been a huge struggle for me to be able to embrace myself, and my body. I look forward to hearing from you and hearing how each of you do embrace yourself/body and/or from those who struggle to embrace yourself/body.

[Jerilynne "MamaRed" Knight]

What a wonderful question Kerri...and the comments already made are so wonderful to read and absorb. Thanks to each of you for sharing them.

At 51, I've spent a good majority of my life "wishing" I was something else...shorter, slimmer, prettier, better in some way shape or form. Always the comparison to someone who was something I *should* be. Lord have mercy, when I think of the time wasted, wishing for things that couldn't be (well, some could if I wanted to invest the time and money...wrinkles can be erased these days, the girls lifted, the hips trimmed). Or, on the flip side, what I was too much of...too intense, too giggly, too scattered. Something was always "wrong".

And all along I was missing the amazing gifts that were right in front of me, waiting to be recognized and honored for being my gifts, my unique contribution.

That has changed...no, it hasn't been an instant turnaround and yes I still fall into the "what is wrong with me" plea to the Universe. It has been quite a journey to this point, to the point where I can embrace me...warts, sagging girls, arms that wave when I'm not, my passions, my intensity, my true self...darkness & light. And the interesting side effect has been more acceptance and love for others...I've stopped judging others so critically (although the judgment stuff pops up to be recognized...regularly!).

I love what Margaret says about reparenting ourselves. It is something we get to do and are well trained to do, no? We give our love and caring and compassion and gentleness to others. We can share that with ourselves and become even more of the gift we came here to be.

I've been given several opportunities in the last 3 years to help teach women to reparent themselves...it is amazing the turnarounds when we treat ourselves as a child who needs comforting...the gentleness ripples throughout the world and becomes a force to be reckoned with. I have a dear friend who even keeps a stuffed bear on her rocking chair that she uses to cuddle (as her precious little girl) when she feels in need of comforting. Feels funny at first and it works.

[Elsie Gjelstrup]

Ladies...I am a Great Grandmother (for the past 2 weeks) When you get this far in life one has to stop and think about what is really important. I wake up every morning thankful to be able to see the sun, smell the coffee, hear the birds and I give thanks for that. I am also thankful for my family, my friends.
Through my life I have had successes and failures, the failures make us stronger and are part of life's journy of learning. It is not money that makes us successful or beauty. What makes us successful in my opinion is being able to look in the mirror and like what you see, know that you have always done your best at whatever you have been doing and have respect for others.
The most important part i to Never Give Up! Go for your goals and if you fail to reach them just keep on going and you will reach them.

[Margaret Steel Farrell]

Hi Kerri! Good questions. I agree with what Karolyn and Helen said. And I have a few thoughts too. Whenever I think about this question - loving myself (mistakes and all) and loving my body (hair in the "wrong" places and lumpy in the "wrong" places and all!) - I have philosophical thoughts and practical thoughts. Because, let's face it, philosophy is better but some days it just won't cut it : - ).

So the practical . . . I have seen pictures of myself when I was late teens and early twenties and even early thirties (I'm currently early forties) and I think "wow, I looked great!" haha! So then fast forward -- 10 or 20 years from now, will I be looking back at pictures of me today and saying the same thing? Crazy! So I should be looking in the MIRROR and saying that. Harder to do but really, I'm probably the best looking today than I'm ever going to be so I better love it. And I saw this show lately called "How to look good naked" and I was so impressed by how the host got the person to love their body. I'm thin so for me it's never been about fat (until after giving birth!) but it's still been about how I measure up to "standards." Well, maybe I should be setting my own standards. And I guess that's the philosophical part. I agree with K about not comparing.

My one girlfriend told her 12-year-old daughter lately - who was saying she'd like hair like so-and-so - that she's never going to have the other girl's hair. But asked her what is she going to do with HER hair to make it the best it could be to make herself feel happy about it? I love it! It's what the host did on that show. Make the best of what you've got and you'll turn your own attitude about yourself around.

I never liked my straight straight hair. And thought the colour was nothing special. Then I had my son who has my hair and I think it's beautiful, so shiny and the colour is lovely, red and gold hints in the light brown. And I realized it was my hair . . . And straight is very in right now : - ).

And as for loving "me?" I think it's the same thing. How can I make the best of who I am. I try to change some of my more annoying traits and try to stop my "knee-jerk" bad behaviour and that's what I can do. And really revel in the times I get it right : - ). Like I do for/with my son. Perhaps one thing women really can do is "re-parent" themselves. What messages would we give to our children if they were saying or doing the things we think about ourselves or do? Let's lovingly give them to ourselves. Just a thought.

[Helen Wagner]

You may never get out of the acne aisle.I still haven't and I have come to the conclusion I may never. BUT I am blessed, I have 3 great children(they all survived their childhoods).I have the most amazing husband.I have a job I love, and friends who have been there some for more than 35 years. So when I feel down and I need to embrace myself I can look around with some degree of satisfaction.Where I have come from where I have been and where I am still to go.

[Karolyn Hart]

Hey Kerri, This is a great question and one that I think we all struggle with. The biggest thing I am learning to do is to try and not compare. I would feel GREAT about my body when I am not thinking about it but the minute I would walk into a room and see a woman eyeing me up and down I would start to wonder.... The best thing that ever happened to me was when I got really sick and doctor's didn't know what was wrong. It puts life in perspective. Who CARES if I am a certain size if I am housebound?

The other thing is that I think about the fact I get one life. When I leave this earth do I want people to talk about how I looked or who I was. If they are talking about my appearance then I haven't accomplished anything or made a difference. If they are talking about who I was then I definitely had my priorities straight!

Everytime I feel those self-critical thoughts happening like - ugh why can't my pants fit looser...or when will I ever make it out of the freakin' acne aisle - I just focus on the good! Like, I am strong and can go for a walk and get my work done so my legs are just fine and who cares if I'm in the acne aisle because at least I'm healthy enough that I can go and do errands! It's all in perspective...